


every time i pin down what i think i want it slips away

by WattStalf



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood, Cousin Incest, F/M, Halloween, Hunterween, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27164308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: To this day, autumn always makes her think of him.
Relationships: Ging Freecs/Mito Freecs
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11
Collections: HxHween Madness 2020 Collection





	every time i pin down what i think i want it slips away

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU both in the setting, and in that Ging had Gon when he was a bit older than in canon, at least, based on the ages I'm rolling with here. Canon Mito young as FUCK...  
> Anyway, I did this for an event, my prompt was autumn, and I love this ship and how heartbreaking it is, so I had a lot of fun with it

To this day, autumn still makes her think of him. Mito is starting to lose track of how long it has been since the last time she has heard from him, and longer still since the last time she saw him, but whenever the weather starts to change, whenever summer starts to fade, it almost feels like he is still standing right beside her, like she is still a little girl, looking up at her cousin like he is the only other person in the world.

The part of her that never wants to see Ging’s face again is about equal to the part of her that would do anything to go back to those days.

~X~

Ging isn’t happy, not in the slightest, and he makes sure that Mito knows it. After fighting so hard to be able to trick-or-treat on his own, after coming up with all sorts of reasons that he no longer needs Abe tagging along, he got saddled with taking Mito, which was the problem in the first place. Over and over again, he reminds her that she’s the one that slows him down, but the condition for going out on his own was that he would have to escort Mito, holding her hand the whole way.

_If you’re old enough to go on your own, then you’re definitely old enough to take her with you._

Mito is happy, though. Even if she can tell that Ging is irritated with her, and even if she argues with him whenever he claims that she slows him down, she is secretly very happy to be able to go with him, walking hand in hand with her older cousin, who is honestly more like a brother to her. The two of them have been raised together for as long as she can remember, and though Ging is a good deal older than her, she has been able to spend a lot of time with him. And though he treats her like a pest, she looks up to her older cousin, and can never stop herself from tagging along after him, wherever he may go.

“I won’t even be able to trick-or-treat for much longer,” he mutters, still on about that. “It’s stupid that I have to waste time hauling a kindergartner with me.”

“But she _said_ you have to talk me! She said so, and you have to hold my hand the whole time,” Mito reminds him, giving his hand a squeeze as she says it. Ging rolls his eyes, and Mito hates when he does that. She always feels like he dismisses her completely, and she has no idea how to get him to really acknowledge her, to admit that spending time with her isn’t that bad.

The two of them can have fun together. When they went out to pick their Halloween costumes, they had fun together, even if he teased her and told her every costume that she picked out was for babies. He had still looked proud when Mito told him that the costume he picked out was really cool and really scary, and he had begrudgingly admitted that she would look cute in her blue dress and white apron.

And when the two of them got to carve pumpkins together, he had proven himself able to carve all on his own, hands steady enough with the knife that he could carve his own pumpkin, before sitting with Mito and carefully cutting the design she had outlined on her pumpkin. They had thrown the guts at each other and made a mess, and even after getting in trouble, they kept sneaking glances at each other and giggling while cleaning it up.

She and Ging are capable of having fun together, and Ging is capable of being nice to her. He just prefers to play it cool most of the time, acting like she is little more than a pest, just like he does right now. And Mito will argue with him and fight back each time, though in the back of her mind, she is just pleased to be here with him. She is just pleased to be able to hold his hand while they walk, collecting candy together.

And as the night goes on, he forgets to act annoyed with her. He keeps her close by him whenever they have to approach a particularly scary house, and runs right along with her as they flee, and doesn’t even make fun of her for screaming over some of the decorations. They share a knowing and elated grin when they happen upon a house giving out the big candy bars, and they discuss plans for trades when they get home, any time a house has a candy that one of them does not like.

This year, Halloween is on a Friday, so Mito is even allowed to stay up past her bed time after they get home, so that they can sort their candy and make those trades, and there is no longer any trace of a scowl on Ging’s face. The two of them have had fun together, something that he can’t actually deny, even if he wants to.

~X~

He only goes trick-or-treating with her one more time after that, when she is six and he is thirteen, and he makes the same fuss over it, claiming that he should not have to waste his time taking her around, but it follows the same pattern, and by the end of the night, the two of them are having a blast together. But the next year, he is in high school and deemed too old for it, and he does not want to take Mito around in Abe’s place, because now he has plans with his friends.

Still, the two of them have their fun together. There are still costumes to shop for, and pumpkins to carve, and whenever Mito gets to spend this time with Ging, she becomes more certain that autumn is her favorite season. Summer is fun because they don’t have to go to school, but Ging runs off more and more, going places that Mito is not allowed to follow, because she is still too young to be allowed to leave the yard. Winter has Christmas, but Ging gets irritable being holed up inside too much, and spring is so pretty, but there always seems to be less and less that they can do together.

Autumn holds the best memories for her, but she can tell that things are changing, that Ging is getting much too old to keep playing around with her. When he is sixteen, he doesn’t want to help carve pumpkins anymore, and only helps Mito cut the design out of her pumpkin because he is told to, but has no interest in doing one of his own, and leaves the room when he is done. And when he is seventeen, and in his last year of high school, he doesn’t even want to go costume shopping with her, claiming that he and a group of friends are making something together, that they have a theme.

Mito is nothing but a pest to him now, and she is finally the age he was when he was allowed to roam from the yard, but he is no longer exploring the neighborhood. She can go as far as he used to be able to, but he works now and bought himself a car, so she can’t keep up with him at all.

And the Halloween when he is eighteen, he isn’t there anymore. He hasn’t been there in months, because he disappeared within a few weeks of graduating, taking the money he had saved up and leaving behind a note. Ging has his own plans, has always had his own plans, and Mito has never been a part of them. Once the note has been read, she shreds it up and throws it away, and decides not to miss him.

Mito stops trick-or-treating that year. Even though she has not had Ging to take her for years now, not having him around at all signals some kind of change in her life, and she decides that she has outgrown it, earlier than he did.

~X~

Sometimes he calls, and when he does, Mito doesn’t talk to him for long. In the beginning, she does try to ask him to come home, but when he laughs her off, she switches to berating him, calling him immature and irresponsible, which he says sounds hilarious coming from a little kid like her. He calls less and less frequently over time, and each time, Mito has little to say to him, other than telling him off, until he finally stops calling altogether.

She is embarrassed whenever he comes up in conversation, because she will inevitably go on about how much she hates him for leaving, and Abe will inevitably remind her of how much she used to adore him when they were kids, how she used to say that she would marry him someday. Mito doesn’t think that’s nearly as cute as Abe seems to, and is quick to remind her she stopped saying that sometime after she turned four.

And she hopes that her sour attitude and raised voice can cover the way her heart still feels like it twists in her chest whenever she is reminded of how much she _used to_ love Ging.

Years go by, and Mito helps take care of the house. As Abe ages, she needs more help- help, Mito can’t help but point out, that Ging could have offered as well, were he not so selfish. When she is seventeen, and has started to think about her own future, still unsure of where she can go or what she can do without straying too far from home, he comes back for a visit.

Mito greets him with a slap that he laughs off, and Abe welcomes him back to the dinner table like he never left, like he is always welcome here, no matter what bullshit he pulls. She won’t have any part of it, staying holed up in her room until she thinks they have both gone to sleep, and then she sneaks back down so that she can eat something.

Ging is still up, sitting at the table. He gives her a grin when he sees her, and Mito bristles, scowling at him. He pulls out the chair next to him as he asks, “Growling stomach keeping you up?”

“Why are you still awake?” she asks, her voice cold.

“Cos I thought I might run into you down here,” he replies, and she wants to slap him again. Instead, she sits down, without getting anything to eat. Suddenly, her appetite is gone.

“I’m not going to forgive you, or welcome you back,” she says, not sure why she is even humoring him. She doesn’t want anything to do with him, or at least, she needs to give him that impression. Neither he nor Abe can know how pleased she really is right now, just to be able to see him again.

That pleased feeling is gone in an instant, though. “I’ll be gone before you wake up in the morning,” he replies, “so no need to worry about any of that.”

“You’ll be _what_?!” she snaps, not believing what she is hearing. Ging just puts a finger over his lips, shushing her. She lowers her voice before demanding, “What do you mean by that, Ging?”

“Exactly what I said,” he replies. “I’m just visiting, just for today. Don’t worry, she knows this time. I told her to tell you bye for me, but I guess I do get the chance to see you for a little bit.”

“What’s _wrong_ with you? You can’t just drop in like that, after years and then just leave all over again,” she says, but then, of course he can. This is Ging, after all, and she knows that arguing with him is useless, that arguing with him is always useless. “Why did you even come?”

“Dunno, I guess I felt nostalgic. I was close by, and it’s almost Halloween,” he says, as if that explains everything. And in a way, she understands, even without either of them going into detail. Autumn always makes her thing of him. As soon as the weather starts to change, she feels like she is a little girl again, holding his hand and beaming up at him, and on Halloween, the nostalgia is so intense, so bittersweet, that she can hardly stomach it.

She never would have expected Ging to understand that feeling, though.

“I’ll be gone in the morning,” he says. “You should get back to bed before it gets too late, but if you’re going to stay up and eat something, I’ll sit here with you until you’re ready for bed.”

She should still be mad at him. She should get herself something she can eat in her room and leave her down here alone. At the very least, if she has to eat at the table, she should eat in silence and ignore him, giving him the same cold shoulder that he has given her for years. Instead, she stays right there with him, the two of them staying up much too late together, so late that she doesn’t even remember falling asleep.

When she wakes up in the morning, she’s back in her bed, Ging is gone, and she’s starving, because she never actually ate anything the night before.

~X~

The next time she sees Ging is when he brings Gon. The two of them don’t exchange a lot of words, and there is no reference to that night. She criticizes him for bringing his son for Abe to raise, for not having the responsibility to even take care of that, for expecting his family to pick up the pieces just like they always do, but Abe takes it all in stride, like always. Ging leaves Gon behind, and Mito has not seen him since.

She doesn’t leave home like he does, because she can’t bring herself to leave his son alone. It shouldn’t fall to Abe to take care of Ging’s problems; it shouldn’t fall to her either, and she shouldn’t be the one to raise her cousin’s child, the child he had with a woman she knows nothing about, and has never met. Mito should not be the one serving as the mother in this situation, but she and Gon have more in common than the toddler is capable of understanding.

Every Halloween, she takes him trick-or-treating, hand in hand with him as he grows more and more, his resemblance to his father making her chest ache whenever he beams up at her. Autumn, whether she likes it or not, will always remind her of Ging, even as she loses track of time, of how long it has been since the two of them have last spoken, how long it has been since she last saw him, how long it has been since that one night. But as her nostalgia takes hold of her, she clutches his son’s hand and takes him trick-or-treating, and forces herself to live in the moment, looking down at Gon, rather than getting caught up in memories of looking up at Ging.

She is always going to be there for him, regardless of where his father may be. They have a lot in common, more than Gon understands, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in my writing updates, please follow my fanfiction twitter @WattStalf  
> 


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